Riporto un articolo di Chelsea Fagan, scrittrice che vive a Parigi, riguardante i cambiamenti che si riscontrano nelle persone quando esse vivono in un paese diverso dal proprio.
"A very dependable feature of people who live abroad is finding them huddled
together in bars and restaurants, talking not just about their homelands, but
about the experience of leaving. And strangely enough, these groups of ex-pats
aren’t necessarily all from the same home countries, often the mere experience
of trading lands and cultures is enough to link them together and build the
foundations of a friendship. I knew a decent amount of ex pats — of varying
lengths of stay — back in America, and it’s reassuring to see that here in
Europe, the “foreigner” bars are just as prevalent and filled with the same
warm, nostalgic chatter.
But one thing that undoubtedly exists between all of us, something that
lingers unspoken at all of our gatherings, is fear. There is a palpable fear to
living in a new country, and though it is more acute in the first months, even
year, of your stay, it never completely evaporates as time goes on. It simply changes.
The anxiousness that was once concentrated on how you’re going to make new
friends, adjust, and master the nuances of the language has become the repeated
question “What am I missing?” As you settle into your new life and country, as
time passes and becomes less a question of how long you’ve been here and more
one of how long you’ve been gone, you realize that life back home has gone on
without you. People have grown up, they’ve moved, they’ve married, they’ve
become completely different people — and so have you.
It’s hard to deny that the act of living in another country, in another
language, fundamentally changes you. Different parts of your personality sort
of float to the top, and you take on qualities, mannerisms, and opinions that
define the new people around you. And there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s
often part of the reason you left in the first place. You wanted to
evolve, to change something, to put yourself in an uncomfortable new situation
that would force you to into a new phase of your life.
So many of us, when we leave our home countries, want to escape ourselves.
We build up enormous webs of people, of bars and coffee shops, of arguments and
exes and the same five places over and over again, from which we feel we can’t
break free. There are just too many bridges that have been burned, or love that
has turned sour and ugly, or restaurants at which you’ve eaten everything on
the menu at least ten times — the only way to escape and to wipe your slate
clean is to go somewhere where no one knows who you were, and no one is going
to ask. And while it’s enormously refreshing and exhilarating to feel like you
can be anyone you want to be and come without the baggage of your past, you
realize just how much of “you” was based more on geographic location than
anything else.
Walking streets alone and eating dinner at tables for one — maybe with a
book, maybe not — you’re left alone for hours, days on end with nothing but
your own thoughts. You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and
answering them, and taking in the day’s activities with a slowness and an
appreciation that you’ve never before even attempted. Even just going to the
grocery store — when in an exciting new place, when all by yourself, when in a
new language — is a thrilling activity. And having to start from zero and
rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities
like a child, fundamentally alters you. Yes, the country and its people will
have their own effect on who you are and what you think, but few things are
more profound than just starting over with the basics and relying on yourself
to build a life again. I have yet to meet a person who I didn’t find calmed by
the experience. There is a certain amount of comfort and confidence that you
gain with yourself when you go to this new place and start all over again, and
a knowledge that — come what may in the rest of your life — you were capable of
taking that leap and landing softly at least once.
But there are the fears. And yes, life has gone on without you. And the
longer you stay in your new home, the more profound those changes will become.
Holidays, birthdays, weddings — every event that you miss suddenly becomes a
tick mark on an endless ream of paper. One day, you simply look back and
realize that so much has happened in your absence, that so much has changed.
You find it harder and harder to start conversations with people who used to be
some of your best friends, and in-jokes become increasingly foreign — you have
become an outsider. There are those who stay so long that they can never go
back. We all meet the ex-pat who has been in his new home for 30 years and who
seems to have almost replaced the missed years spent back in his homeland with
full, passionate immersion into his new country. Yes, technically they are
immigrants. Technically their birth certificate would place them in a different
part of the world. But it’s undeniable that whatever life they left back home,
they could never pick up all the pieces to. That old person is gone, and you
realize that every day, you come a tiny bit closer to becoming that person
yourself — even if you don’t want to.
So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize
that you are now two distinct people. As much as your countries represent and
fulfill different parts of you and what you enjoy about life, as much as you
have formed unbreakable bonds with people you love in both places, as much as
you feel truly at home in either one, so you are divided in two. For the rest
of your life, or at least it feels this way, you will spend your time in one
naggingly longing for the other, and waiting until you can get back for at
least a few weeks and dive back into the person you were back there. It takes
so much to carve out a new life for yourself somewhere new, and it can’t die
simply because you’ve moved over a few time zones. The people that took you
into their country and became your new family, they aren’t going to mean any
less to you when you’re far away.
When you live abroad, you realize that, no matter
where you are, you will always be an ex-pat. There will always be a part of you
that is far away from its home and is lying dormant until it can breathe and
live in full color back in the country where it belongs. To live in a new place
is a beautiful, thrilling thing, and it can show you that you can be whoever
you want — on your own terms. It can give you the gift of freedom, of new
beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that
plane, doesn’t come without a price. You cannot be in two places at once, and
from now on, you will always lay awake on certain nights and think of all the
things you’re missing out on back home."